


Dream I Do

by DarkEleni



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arya's Look Of Total Unsatisfaction Nailed All Emotions, F/M, Fantasizing, Gendry-Bashing, Jaqarya, Loss of Virginity, Not GxA Friendly, Regret, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 20:21:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18557149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkEleni/pseuds/DarkEleni
Summary: That stag under you trembles like a prey who fears death. No match for a direwolf who covers herself in blood.Even in her fantasies, Arya remains unable to escape Jaqen.





	Dream I Do

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even mad about the show anymore. Only at GRRM for letting it happen that D&D butcher all and forced this unnecessary fanservice in our throats.
> 
> On the other hand, we laughed like crazy at how displeased Arya looked once it was done. (The show probably will explain it with shit like "She was so overwhelmed with emotions and now pondered about it because it was oh-so-great." But, really, she didn't even grin. That honestly was the most unsatisfied after-sex-expression I've ever seen on TV.)
> 
> And here is my take on it. Wrote that scene in a rage because I so hoped I wouldn't need to do so. Ironically, I still ended up enjoying to write it. Because now, for me, that is how 8x02 went.
> 
> Once again, do NOT read this as a GxA shipper. I personally have a really low opinion of him character-wise and so don't expect anything great. (I sadly HAD to tag him since he is there in that moment... unfortunately.)
> 
> Title a snippet from "Taking Over Me" by Evanescence. I was too tired than to think about another song. Because I can't believe I stayed up until 3am here only to watch this nonsense. (Although, Arya's expression afterwards made it much better. We just laughed with glee at how an afterglow should NOT look like.)
> 
> Also, English is not my mother tongue. Sorry for any mistakes I haven't seen. (This is also without beta because I just needed to write that from my soul.)
> 
> And, listen: I know this isn't the kindest piece I've ever written. But if you are here to hate on the ship or something else, I will delete the comment. Because I want this to be a little sanctuary after what we needed to suffer through. :D

It was all wrong.

  
She knew this the moment he walked in. The moment she decided how to spend her last night on earth. But it was better than to feel nothing.

  
She wanted to feel _something_.

  
The pleasures of the flesh were not foreign to her. During all of her travels, she saw enough scenes between men and women. The Braavosi brothels showed her many ways how to seduce someone.

  
And her prey was too weak-willed anyway.

  
Funny. He told her that he laid with women before. He should have gathered some experience. Instead it was _her_ doing all the work. From the moment she laid her lips on his.

  
She always imagined kisses to fog her mind. Unable to think at all once the sensations overflowed her. There was a rush - had to be. Since she never did this before. But that was all.

  
Now, all she did was gazing in another direction. In songs, lovers held each other and whispered sweet nothings into the other's ear when the passion found its end.

After what just happened, she did not feel like doing so.

  
She crawled away, brought in some distance. No urge to feel another touch. And she had no desire to look at his face.

  
It was not the right face anyway.

  
She always knew that sex had a smell. That, despite all, musk and a sticky aroma remained. The intimacy should distract from that. But the scent of iron and sweat and steel appeared so wrong. She loved to fight, loved a battle. But _this_ was not a playful war. She just _took_.

  
Did he believe she asked him about his amorous escapades for fun? In her last hours, she wanted to give herself to someone who knew what he was doing. At least, she hoped so when he confessed he was no green boy in that manner.

  
No. More like a virgin.

  
She was the one assuring, the one who needed to calm him down. One would think that she got to hear words to calm _herself_ down, to make _her_ ready. Because a first time should be about the one introduced to pleasure.

  
Fine. It was not brutal or cruel. Yet, a feeling of shame set in her stomach, between her legs, in her head and turned into a heavy stone that settled onto her heart.

  
She couldn’t smile. No grin or a happy exhale over _what a ride_ it had been. What she felt was disappointment.

  
And she just couldn’t turn her head to look at him.

  
_It’s not him_ , her thoughts blamed her for what she just did. _He is not throwing a witty comment over_ what a girl _expected before changing his face and showing me how it is really done._

  
Her first thought started with the kiss. She pondered how difficult it was to keep the lip-lock. With another mouth, she would have bitten the thicker lower lip, sucked it into her mouth until her counterpart had enough of her games. Because he would not have been afraid to play with her.

  
On the contrary, he would have made her beg and moan and _scream_.

  
But Jaqen was _not_ here.

  
And she had to take what she could get. No matter how pathetic. She could have seen away from this one‘s reticence and naivety. If only he had made her feel what she craved for. But he couldn’t give that to her.

  
_No One_ could.

  
But she had waited. So many nights, she hoped to find a coin in her chamber, to smell the scent of ginger and cloves or to sense the danger of someone under a mask. It never happened.

  
_This is what you get for abandon me, Jaqen H’ghar,_ she thought as she helped to undress herself. _If only you were here. To see that you wasted your chance to have me first. Before anyone else. To be my first as you should have been._

  
_Why aren’t you here?_

  
It must have been a bad jest of him. He would be vicious enough to let her make such a mistake. If only he was there. But he _wasn’t_! And she _had to take what she could get_! That’s what she told herself as she continued.

  
For a moment, she hoped he would ask her about the scars on her stomach. He did view them. A wicked part of her hoped he would stand up and grab her and trace his lips over them to soothe her and tell her how brave and beautiful she was.

  
_More courage than sense._

  
_Is a girl ready?_

  
_Lovely girl…_

  
Nothing.

  
Instead he waited like a blushing maiden for her to do something. Some might swoon over it and tell her how noble and fine he acted not to pressure her. But she literally tore off their clothes moments ago. She thought he got the signals as he seeked her out. But, in the end, she started to doubt that he knew what he did.

  
If that were not the case, she surely would lay there with something close to a smile.

  
Apparently, he had more of his father than she gave him credit for.

  
Of course, she wanted to feel dirty. She wanted it all. The pleasure and the pain and the sensations of something else inside her than her own fingers. Perhaps her fingers would have been the better option, now that she had something to conpare.

  
There was a moment when she _couldn’t stand_ his hands as they settled on her hips. His hands were rough – a trait like any warrior. But he didn’t feel like such. Not like someone who understood how to touch someone in need of feeling. Someone in need of saving.

  
Hells, she didn’t even know what to think as she gazed into the darkness of the room. _As if Jaqen walks out of the shadows, cuts the stag‘s throat and takes me as the boy beside me chokes on his own blood. To wash away the false scent on me immediately and to ruin me for any other for all time._

  
Unlike her actual activity, the imaginations caused her to get wet.

  
Not that the soreness between her legs caused her pain. She simply felt no bliss to make the effort worth it. How she wished someone outside would have given an alarm to force her to stop. It all happened so very fast and now she understood why taking time appeared necessary.

  
What a waste.

  
But once she started, she was determined to continue. She couldn’t let her thoughts distract her and make her change her mind once she leaned over him. But she couldn’t look at this face. Most of the time, she kept her eyes closed. Which was not uncommon during such an act. But the scenes in her mind surely were.

  
How someone else would have grabbed her hips and helped her to find a rhythm that pleased both of them. Someone who would have made her back arch and played with her breasts before tossing her on her back. She would have protested and only grown impatient as a smirk stole its way on the face she desired. He would have pulled out and feasted between her legs, not caring about her virginal blood, as he devoured her cunt until she grabbed his hair to let her hands wander through the strands, playing with the white streak in wonder before him tasting her made her fall into oblivion.

  
It wasn’t the first time she imagined Jaqen _apologizing_ to her for all that happened in Braavos. To make up for it and to show how much he regretted the things he did.

  
So she expected for the one under her to do the same. Before the Red Woman took him away, he did plan to leave anyway. Decided to leave her alone. Was it that much to ask for to treat her like he hungered to have her back?

  
_A man has a thirst._

  
Fuck, she couldn’t concentrate on the moment itself. She only saw that liar’s face and _Is a girl enjoying this as much as she thought? Reckless, lovely girl. Wanted to dance another dance of death?_

  
_Shut up_ , she mouthed and was glad of the other one being too lost in his own pleasure. Maybe he did not realize that her mind made up a whole scenario of bickering with Jaqen instead of losing herself in the actual moment.

  
_Does a girl regret it? Of that boy being unable to know what you truly need? Does he fill you the way you wanted a man to do so? Does she not want to throw up at the feeling of such an unworthy cock inside her?_

  
_Oh gods_ , she failed to realize what was typical for the Lorathi to say and what not. _You sound like Sandor._

  
_If only a girl listened to the Hound. At least one realized the truth about this boy. Should have led Sandor to your sister. Then, at least one Stark girl picked someone who deserves a she-wolf._ In her mind, he just sat there – right there – as he added in mockery: _That stag under you trembles like a prey who fears death. No match for a direwolf who covers herself in blood._

  
_Shut up._

  
_How far has Arya Stark fallen? Always wanted to be different from other girls and now your mind plotted schemes because of him being a Baratheon. Will a girl crave it to let him mount her every night?_

  
_That won’t happen!_

  
_True. Given his skills, a girl might do all the work._

  
_You. Abandoned. Me._

  
_And a girl will return to this man._

  
_No!_ She did not know why those thoughts urged her on to speed up but she did, almost shouted at the one under her to stop moaning because he interrupted a very important talk. _A girl will not!_

  
_So many lies from your lips, lovely girl._ In this fantasy, he stroked over her back, looking at her with glee. _But a man will forgive you. At the moment, she suffers enough._

  
_It would not have happened if you were there!_

  
_And how a man regrets it._ He leaned forward to place a kiss on her shoulder and she threw her head back. As if he was truly there and she needed the contact. S _eeing how lovely she is. Now that she grew into that beautiful woman he always saw in her._

  
_So why are you not the one_ making _me a woman?_

  
_A man will_ , he promised. _He has. He gave you courage and freedom and the will to be yourself. When this war is over, return to this man and claim the prize you deserve from the Death._

  
She clenched her teeth, afraid of what she might say. _A girl will not be the one running after a man. Those times are over._

  
_If a girl keeps that speed, her first time will also be over. And not to her desire._

  
_A girl has no desi-_ She imagined how he tugged her hair, angrier than she ever saw him as he forgot about his facelessness.

  
_No?_ , he growled into her ear. _A girl tries to feel less miserable. Is that not a desire?_

  
_Well, it works_ , she shot back.

  
_Only since a man is here._

  
_You aren’t!_

  
_But you wished_ , he crooned, using more intimate language. _I'd waste no second to pull you down from him. I’d force him to watch as I make you drip with want._ His other hand wandered down, until it reached her dark curls, caressed her mount as she kept her movements. _I’d make you come all over me._

  
She panicked. Not out of fear. But because she knew her imagination kept his cruelness. That he wouldn’t touch the place she needed to find release. Not while someone else filled her. Some rational part of her knew she could easily move her own hand towards her throbbing clit and end this. But she was so tired and in need of feeling other hands on her body. _Please don't go, Jaqen._

  
„ _Jaqen, please!_ “

  
Her eyes shot open at the sound of her own voice. But it was too late than to form other words. And her whole body, which just started to finally feel desire, stopped every movement. In absolute horror, she stared down at the one below her.

  
To make things worse, his eyes were no longer closed, too.

  
Beside her, the imagination of Jaqen faded away with a laugh and a promise of a story that did not found its ends yet.

  
But she wasn’t in the future where this occured. Right now, she had other worries. Real ones. More than her wishes setting another trap for her.

  
They probably remained a whole minute like that before she noticed that she _couldn’t look at this face_. „I’m sorry“, she breathed out, realizing that she spoke with more emotion than intended before getting up and reaching for something to cover them both before she started to gaze at the wall. She knew he looked questioning at her but she couldn’t care less.

  
She just wanted him to leave, so she could finish herself off to the thoughts of a man without a face.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't get me wrong. I found Arya's motivations understandable (and plz no hate because she is still my fave and I adore her). But you can't stop mentioning a character in her arc/thoughts for seasons and then make this. Especially if the time would be better done with a nice Braime exchange or a SanSan reunion (which still did not happen????).
> 
> Humor Exchange During That (we need to light things up):  
> "Eleni, this is all your fault. You just said that she'll screw around after what she said to Sandor. YOU provoked it!"  
> "Yeah, sorry. Look, I don't even care anymore. Like, my hate towards this is so great, I feel indifferent about it."  
> "Well, she needs practice before getting back to Braavos."  
> "I like to think of it as horror movie. It happened and now one of them dies in the battle next week and we all know who that would be."  
> "But, what if: Maybe G*ndry died somewhere before and Jaqen wears the face?"  
> "We wish."  
> *Arya's bitch-face at the afterglow appears*  
> *laughing*  
> "Forget that. We wish NOT."


End file.
